Confidence and Humility
When traveling or living in a foreign country, humility and confidence are a crucial combination of attributes to possess. These two characteristics are important in many situations, but especially in regards to language--when you´re in a country where you speak the language but are not a native speaker. I´ve often had trouble finding the right balance of the two in different situations--but this trip has helped me come closer to consistently achieving that balance and consequently improving my Spanish (one of my main goals on this trip). To communicate in a foreign language effectively and to come closer to mastery, I believe it´s essential to draw on one´s own humility at some points while also exuding confidence in one´s abilities.
When I arrived in Madrid four and a half years ago to study abroad for a semester, I was surprised and disappointed to discover that I couldn´t communicate in Spanish as well as I would have expected from eight years of studying it in school. But living in a Spanish-speaking country, getting accustomed to a new accent, and communicating on a daily basis is much different from going to Spanish class for one hour a day, writing essays in Spanish, and reading Spanish literature as homework. (Also, when my high school Spanish teachers told us that we didn´t have to learn the vosotros (formal you) verb form because "it´s only used in Spain", who would have known that four years later I would study abroad there!) During my semester in Madrid, my Spanish greatly improved but I still often felt self-conscious when speaking.
It wasn´t until mid-June, when I had been on the farm in Peru for about two weeks, that I had my "aha" moment and stopped worrying about my Spanish abilities. I had finally reached the point where it was more important for me to just communicate and express myself than to have perfect grammar and attempt the right accent. That was the breakthrough moment for me. Instead of being too proud (not humble enough) to ask someone to explain something yet again or being too shy (not confident enough) to just speak without worrying about misusing a word or having correct grammar, I just spoke. I realized that no one else cared about that and so I had no need to be self-conscious. I had often thought that I should speak at a certain level because of the amount of time I had studied Spanish for, but I realized that I needed to stop worrying about that.
Much of this breakthrough was due to being immersed in Spanish on the farm. Although Erin and I spoke in English together most of the time, we spent the entire day communicating with the family in Spanish. I knew that if I didn´t want to feed the cuyes (guinea pigs) the wrong food, then I would need to ask and make sure I understood Luisa´s directions. And if I wanted to be a part of the lunch conversation, I couldn´t sit around forming the perfect sentence in my mind because then the moment would have passed by the time I was ready to speak. My ability to reach that point was also thanks to the family because every family member was accepting and helpful. They tried hard to make sure they understood us and we understood them.
When I arrived in Buenos Aires on July 1st, though, I fell back into the not-enough-confidence and not-enough-humility hole. Each Spanish-speaking country has its own accent and vocabulary so, for example, even when you know all the words for types of vegetables in Peru, you may only recognize half of the ones you hear in Argentina. Argentine Spanish also has a unique accent (with ll and y pronounced with a sound more like "sh" or "j") and uses the vos form when speaking in the informal you verb form (instead of the tú form). After a five-hour overnight flight from Lima to Buenos Aires, I navigated the bus and subte (subway) to my hostel. I spoke in Spanish to the woman at the front desk, and she immediately answered me in English. An hour later, at the nearby mall trying to buy a cell phone, I only understood half of the words the Movistar employee said to me. With interactions like that occurring for about two days after I arrived in Buenos Aires, I was frustrated and losing confidence. However, I´ve since adjusted to the accent and regained my ability to be confident enough to keep speaking in Spanish (even when I´m answered in English) yet humble enough to persist in a conversation even if it means asking "¿cómo?" (what?) for the third time.
Still, all of this is a process. In different situations, at different times of day, with different people, my confidence and humility regarding communicating in Spanish fluctuate. (And someone giving me a blank stare when I ask a question can affect me as much as someone complimenting me on how well I speak Spanish.) But what I´ve learned is that at some point, none of the factors that affect that matter. What matters is just to SPEAK...and when I speak, I practice, and with that I become one step closer to the mastery I´m searching for!
When I arrived in Madrid four and a half years ago to study abroad for a semester, I was surprised and disappointed to discover that I couldn´t communicate in Spanish as well as I would have expected from eight years of studying it in school. But living in a Spanish-speaking country, getting accustomed to a new accent, and communicating on a daily basis is much different from going to Spanish class for one hour a day, writing essays in Spanish, and reading Spanish literature as homework. (Also, when my high school Spanish teachers told us that we didn´t have to learn the vosotros (formal you) verb form because "it´s only used in Spain", who would have known that four years later I would study abroad there!) During my semester in Madrid, my Spanish greatly improved but I still often felt self-conscious when speaking.
It wasn´t until mid-June, when I had been on the farm in Peru for about two weeks, that I had my "aha" moment and stopped worrying about my Spanish abilities. I had finally reached the point where it was more important for me to just communicate and express myself than to have perfect grammar and attempt the right accent. That was the breakthrough moment for me. Instead of being too proud (not humble enough) to ask someone to explain something yet again or being too shy (not confident enough) to just speak without worrying about misusing a word or having correct grammar, I just spoke. I realized that no one else cared about that and so I had no need to be self-conscious. I had often thought that I should speak at a certain level because of the amount of time I had studied Spanish for, but I realized that I needed to stop worrying about that.
Much of this breakthrough was due to being immersed in Spanish on the farm. Although Erin and I spoke in English together most of the time, we spent the entire day communicating with the family in Spanish. I knew that if I didn´t want to feed the cuyes (guinea pigs) the wrong food, then I would need to ask and make sure I understood Luisa´s directions. And if I wanted to be a part of the lunch conversation, I couldn´t sit around forming the perfect sentence in my mind because then the moment would have passed by the time I was ready to speak. My ability to reach that point was also thanks to the family because every family member was accepting and helpful. They tried hard to make sure they understood us and we understood them.
When I arrived in Buenos Aires on July 1st, though, I fell back into the not-enough-confidence and not-enough-humility hole. Each Spanish-speaking country has its own accent and vocabulary so, for example, even when you know all the words for types of vegetables in Peru, you may only recognize half of the ones you hear in Argentina. Argentine Spanish also has a unique accent (with ll and y pronounced with a sound more like "sh" or "j") and uses the vos form when speaking in the informal you verb form (instead of the tú form). After a five-hour overnight flight from Lima to Buenos Aires, I navigated the bus and subte (subway) to my hostel. I spoke in Spanish to the woman at the front desk, and she immediately answered me in English. An hour later, at the nearby mall trying to buy a cell phone, I only understood half of the words the Movistar employee said to me. With interactions like that occurring for about two days after I arrived in Buenos Aires, I was frustrated and losing confidence. However, I´ve since adjusted to the accent and regained my ability to be confident enough to keep speaking in Spanish (even when I´m answered in English) yet humble enough to persist in a conversation even if it means asking "¿cómo?" (what?) for the third time.
Still, all of this is a process. In different situations, at different times of day, with different people, my confidence and humility regarding communicating in Spanish fluctuate. (And someone giving me a blank stare when I ask a question can affect me as much as someone complimenting me on how well I speak Spanish.) But what I´ve learned is that at some point, none of the factors that affect that matter. What matters is just to SPEAK...and when I speak, I practice, and with that I become one step closer to the mastery I´m searching for!
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